Family Opts to Stay in Hotel While Mother Packs Camp Trunks

Syosset, NY (June 20, 2022) – Rather than risking a trial separation or possibly a divorce, Scott Lichtenberg and his two children spent a week in a local Marriott Residence Inn to avoid crossing paths with his crazed wife and mother of his children, Chloe, as she prepared her children’s camp trunks for an exciting summer at Camp Huron Lake. The married 46 year-olds, with the help of nearly a year’s worth of therapy, decided being apart with little to…


Teen Sleeps Twenty-Five Straight Hours Upon Return from Camp

Livingston, NJ (August 16, 2021) – In an unsurprising development, Camp Huron Lake Super Senior girl Alyxys Kaplan slept twenty-five consecutive hours after returning home from the seven week session at her summer “home away from home”.  Since her parents did not schedule an evening activity after a sushi dinner with her grandparents, Kaplan got into bed around 7 pm to text her bunkmates for an hour then awoke the next day around nine at night.  Typically, a teen who…


Study: Parents Love Children 125% More When in Camp Versus Home

New York, NY (August 12, 2021) – In a recent study conducted by the Johns Hopkins University Behavioral Sciences department in conjunction with the American Camp Institute (ACI), it was determined that parents of sleepaway campers love their children more than double when they are not home for the summer.  The test group of over three thousand tri-state parents were adamant that they love their kids nearly 125% more when they have limited contact outside of nightly pictures over the…


Mother Prouder of Camper Captain than Nobel Prize Winning Son

Lake Huron, PA (August 6, 2021) – Last night at approximately 11:15pm, Carrie Gruberger laid her eyes on a picture she has been dreaming about for years.  Although her son Scott, a 19 year-old wunderkind already working on his PhD, received the Nobel Prize in Physics, the pride she felt for him paled in comparison when she got to Camp Huron Lake’s Girls Side photo 165 and saw her precious tutu-wearing daughter Alyx standing among half of her division holding…


God Accidentally Bestows Camp Outbreak Instead of Breakout

Lake Huron, PA (August 3, 2021) – The prayers of some five hundred campers filling the dining hall with chants of “Fake Out, Fake Out, We Want a Breakout!”were incorrectly answered by God Almighty yesterday as the Creator smote Camp Huron Lake with an outbreak of food poisoning instead of clearing the skies of thunderstorms so Director Marty Feldstein could parachute out onto the lower basketball courts while tossing split sheets into the sky to usher break out this year’s…