Lake Huron, PA (August 6, 2024) – Tim Whatley, a dentist from Manhattan’s Upper West Side, served as the Camp Huron Lake’s on site doctor for the past week to mixed reviews from both campers and staff. Whatley, who famously converted to Judaism in April of 1997, seemed ill-equipped to handle any medical situation arising outside of the mouth.
Whatley was hired as a favor to Camp Director Marty Feldstein after “Dr. J” Julius Erving sprained his knee and was unable to spend the week serving in the Health Center. The Jewish joke telling dentist also brought his voluptuous dental assistant with him in case any adult staff couples were looking to swap partners for a night or two.
Junior camper Ari Kamison came in to the Health Center on Friday with a potentially broken left wrist and left only moments later feeling better than he had ever felt.
“I sat down and he iced the area for few minutes so I wouldn’t feel the pain of him shooting up my wrist with novocaine. Right after my group went sliding down a hill on a giant wet banana and I didn’t feel a thing in my wrist. He’s the best doctor ever!” exclaimed Kamison as his still numb wrist turned a bright purple while he lost all sensation down the left side of his body. Kamison’s x-rays ordered by Whatley revealed no cavities but a severely broken wrist that will likely require surgery and a lengthy rehab period.
Whatley has been a favorite among the adult staff as they’ve already gone through five tanks for nitric oxide.
The week was not without a bump in the road as Whatley refused to treat a soph girl camper who came suffering from a minor cough. While grabbing a tongue depressor, the pre-teen attempted to add some levity to calm her own nerves by regaling Whatley with a quick joke.
“She asked ‘what is a dentist’s favorite expression?’ and I didn’t know. She says ‘Put my money where your mouth is’. I didn’t appreciate it it,” commented Whatley who apparently doesn’t enjoy being the brunt of a joke. “I yelled at her then yada, yada, yada, she’s in her bunk crying with a sore throat and cough.”
Next week things should be back to normal as Dr. Jacob Goldstein, a PhD in post-modern South Asian anthropology takes the helm at the Health Center.
That’s what happens when you hire an anti-dentite.
Good piece again!