Lake Huron, PA (June 26, 2025) – When Junior Boy counselor Horatio Fernandez, Camp Huron Lake’s newest Camp America hire, unzipped the first of two of Maveryck Saperstein’s duffel bags he was greeted by a binder filled with laminated instructions detailing exactly how Saperstein’s belongings should be unpacked. Marcie Saperstein, 44, spent such a ridiculous amount of time preparing the binder that even her therapist had to admit that she was borderline psychotic.
The Daily Camp News was able to secure a copy of Saperstein’s letter from an anonymous source.
Dear Counselors,
Enclosed you will find a pair of powder-free surgical gloves you are to put on immediately upon reading this note. Once done please start unpacking the bag marked “Maveryck 1”. This has his bedding, towels, and his outfit for the end of season prom. This outfit is to stay in the vacuum sealed bag until twelve hours before the event. You will find thirty color coded cubes each containing a different number. The cubes will be opened in color order according to the ROY G BIV method and within each color, in numerical order.
In each cube, you will find a set of instructions illustrating where those items will be placed in the set of cubbies. Upon removing the items from the cube, you will fold the cube on the dotted lines I drew on the perimeter of each one then place them in the master cube which is located in Red 6. Red 6 is the repository for all the cubes and will be placed in the right side of Maveryck 2 once everything is unpacked.
If you have any questions, please refer to the binder found in Maveryck 1. There step by step instructions on exactly what to do. Blue 2 contains a burner cell phone so you can take pictures to send to me at intervals throughout the unpacking process or if you’d like to send me the finished cubbies for my approval.
Lastly, make sure Maveryck’s toothbrush is thrown away every other Friday and replaced with a new one. He brushes too hard and really wears down the bristles to the point he’s not getting the proper massaging action on his lower left gum area.
You’re going to love Maveryck (Very important: DO NOT call him Mav, he’s been known to explode in an uncontrolled rage if you do.) Other than that, he’s totally chill just like I am.
New Jersey-based psychologist Dr. Anna Johannsen has been treating Saperstein since her divorce two years ago. “In our field we have a medical term for someone who becomes obsessively controlling when their child is not in arm’s reach. It’s called ‘a psychopath’ and Mrs. Saperstein could serve as the poster child for this affliction.”
The handsome Spanish-speaking Bunk 11 counselor Fernandez is confident in his English but only seems to know how to count to twenty, recite the alphabet, and say “thank you”, “please”, “hello”, and “good bye” which he learned up until sixth grade. He does, however, know several curse words and his older brother taught him the oft used phrases “I would like to sleep with you” and “Yes, I have a condom”.
Unfortunately for the Sapersteins, Fernandez was unable to understand the letter so he hastily stuffed as much as he could into three 1’ x 1’ cubbies then threw the rest of his crap on the floor surrounding Saperstein’s bed. Fernandez was able to use Saperstein’s foam egg crates for his own bed as well as Maveryck’s sunscreen and herbal shampoo.
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