Menlo Park, CA (June 17, 2020) – Facebook officials have reported that this June’s duffel bag postings have dropped more than ninety-nice percent compared to last year. The Board of Directors has pointed to the Covid-19 pandemic as one of the major contributing factors and have warned that duffel bag-related advertisement income will likely take a huge hit on this year’s Profit and Loss statement. Facebook hopes to recover the lion’s share of the lost revenue by ads targeting the phrase “What the f$%k do I do with my child(ren) now?” which will likely provide pop-ups ads of inflatable pools and overpriced beach house rentals.
Following a meteoric rise in duffel bag postings in 2014 and steady increases over the past half-decade, the coronavirus has predictably sent Facebook revenues plummeting and smaller cottage industries dependent on the postings absolutely reeling. George Williams of GW Photography based in central Long Island who earns most of his six-figure income taking still shots of the duffels along and children laying on top/side of the bag is struggling to make ends meet. Williams is the exclusive duffel bag photographer of Mindy Goldfarb of Plainview, Long Island who has three children who have spent the last six summers at now partially-shuttered Camp Huron Lake in the Poconos
“I’ve talked to a lot of my shutter bug colleagues and they’re all taking a huge hit this June. Everyone thinks we do well in the spring from all the weddings and bar mitzvahs we work and Covid-19 has been devastating, but we really clean up by taking these ridiculous duffel bag foyer pics,” explained Williams, now shooting soft-core couples/small group orgies pornography to supplement his fledgling business.
In addition to the photography industry taking a hit, local contractors have noticed a tremendous reduction in foyer renovations. Local wallpaper and tile stores usually see an uptick around this time of year due to families desperate to show off their bags in a freshly appointed entrance hall to their throngs of friends and acquaintances.
While the economy attempts to recover, last minute Amazon purchases, family fighting over packing, and miscellaneous unnecessary bunk garbage sales have also declined in the tri-state area.
Facebook is also anticipating a sharp decline in mall parking lot family photos as well as pictures of children wearing obnoxiously appointed, trademark-infringing camp shirts getting onto a chartered bus with pillows under their arms captioned “They’re off!!!” next weekend.
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