Articles by admin

Teen Sleeps Twenty-Five Straight Hours Upon Return from Camp

Livingston, NJ (August 16, 2021) – In an unsurprising development, Camp Huron Lake Super Senior girl Alyxys Kaplan slept twenty-five consecutive hours after returning home from the seven week session at her summer “home away from home”.  Since her parents did not schedule an evening activity after a sushi dinner with her grandparents, Kaplan got into bed around 7 pm to text her bunkmates for an hour then awoke the next day around nine at night.  Typically, a teen who…


Study: Parents Love Children 125% More When in Camp Versus Home

New York, NY (August 12, 2021) – In a recent study conducted by the Johns Hopkins University Behavioral Sciences department in conjunction with the American Camp Institute (ACI), it was determined that parents of sleepaway campers love their children more than double when they are not home for the summer.  The test group of over three thousand tri-state parents were adamant that they love their kids nearly 125% more when they have limited contact outside of nightly pictures over the…


Mother Prouder of Camper Captain than Nobel Prize Winning Son

Lake Huron, PA (August 6, 2021) – Last night at approximately 11:15pm, Carrie Gruberger laid her eyes on a picture she has been dreaming about for years.  Although her son Scott, a 19 year-old wunderkind already working on his PhD, received the Nobel Prize in Physics, the pride she felt for him paled in comparison when she got to Camp Huron Lake’s Girls Side photo 165 and saw her precious tutu-wearing daughter Alyx standing among half of her division holding…


God Accidentally Bestows Camp Outbreak Instead of Breakout

Lake Huron, PA (August 3, 2021) – The prayers of some five hundred campers filling the dining hall with chants of “Fake Out, Fake Out, We Want a Breakout!”were incorrectly answered by God Almighty yesterday as the Creator smote Camp Huron Lake with an outbreak of food poisoning instead of clearing the skies of thunderstorms so Director Marty Feldstein could parachute out onto the lower basketball courts while tossing split sheets into the sky to usher break out this year’s…


Cancel Culture Forces Color War Name Change

Lake Huron, PA (July 30, 2021) – In a move to appease overly sensitive parents in the current Cancel Culture climate, Camp Huron Lake Director Marty Feldstein has frustratingly made the decision to change Color War to “Happy Games”.   After accusations of being “pro-war” from several of the junior camp parents, the camp administration unanimously voted in favor of a more non-descript, generic name for the camp’s signature event. Just as the real estate community has moved away from “master…