New Camper Not Prepared for This Level of Sweating

Lake Huron, PA (July 2, 2024) – Camp Huron Lake Inter Boy Jonathan Schvitzenstein had eagerly waited ten months to finally leave day camp behind to embark on a new sleepaway adventure but after only three days, he admits he could never in a million years imagine the amount of sweat his body produces nearly twenty-four hours a day at his new home away from home.  The husky, handsome twelve year-old is suffering from intense chafing between his thighs and groin area and is already running out clean clothes due this new bodily phenomenon of sweating through several outfits a day.

“Man, I was really not ready to be this sweaty all the time. Is it always this hot and humid?” commented Schvitzenstein as beads of sweat formed on his prepubescent wispy mustache, “I thought it was supposed to be cooler in the mountains.  Is it going to be like this all summer? Man, is it hot!”

Despite several trips to the camp health center for Lotrimin cream and ice cold water, nothing seems to be cooling the Marlboro Middle School seventh grader down. After a relaxing shower following Free Play and a generous helping of baby powder applied to his entire body, Schvitzenstein continued to sweat profusely the second he left the bunk for the co-ed division social at open-air canteen.  Even when he is doing something and not sweating, he knows the second he stops water will rain down from his head almost immediately.

The first-year camper has already made a name for himself among his bunkmates as he has proven to be a valuable addition to the intercamp soccer, basketball, and baseball teams. Unfortunately, due to the rash formed between his thighs and genital area, Saperstein’s running style and stamina has gone from running like a stallion for miles to running like he’d just rode a stallion for miles. It is unknown if he will be able to participate in the Huron Lake Inter Basketball tournament next week.

“This new kid ‘Schvitz’ completely dominated every sport we played on day one of camp but us camp veterans didn’t get that excited because we knew he’d start feeling the effects of the dewy mountain heat.  Our bodies are used to the heat, the dirt, the fungi, the sand in our beds. This is the big leagues up here…no going home to an air conditioned house like day campers,” explained Bunk 15 bunkmate Elvis Saperstein whose own chafing scars from the summer of 2022 have finally disappeared.

Schvitzenstein has already written several letters home mentioning that he’s made a ton of new friends, having a great time, and sweating his balls off.

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