Teen Sleeps Twenty-Five Straight Hours Upon Return from Camp

Livingston, NJ (August 16, 2021) – In an unsurprising development, Camp Huron Lake Super Senior girl Alyxys Kaplan slept twenty-five consecutive hours after returning home from the seven week session at her summer “home away from home”.  Since her parents did not schedule an evening activity after a sushi dinner with her grandparents, Kaplan got into bed around 7 pm to text her bunkmates for an hour then awoke the next day around nine at night. 

Typically, a teen who has been sleep-deprived for the past two months will be out cold for an average of fourteen to sixteen hours the first time he/she/they lie in the comfort of a plush bed in an air-conditioned room.  In addition to the lack of sleep, most campers suffer from an affliction called PCD or Post-Camp Depression which experts define as a state of mind in which one wishes to be back at camp and takes out frustration by lashing out at parents and/or siblings.  PCD will cause the camper to want to stay in bed and avoid all contact with the non-camp world including home friends who will be ignored for the next several days.

“It reminded me of when she was a newborn.  My husband and I would walk into her room every few hours to make sure she was breathing,” Elyse Kaplan, 51, commented, “I’m really glad she woke up to watch ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.  If we watched without her, that could have been a really bad situation.”

After returning home on Sunday afternoon, Kaplan immediately grabbed her iPhone which had been sitting idly on her nightstand for the duration of her summer camp stay. Upon realizing that she was not the first to change the camp group chat from “Supers 2021😊” to “Teens 2022😊”, Kaplan lashed out at her father who kindly asked her to remove the dozens of bracelets on each wrist/arm (“camp wrist”) before stepping flip-flopless into the shower to remove seven weeks’ worth of dirt from her hair and body.

When Kaplan returned from dinner where she refused to answer any of her parents’ or grandparents’ questions about what was arguably the greatest summer of her life, she immediately got into bed, texted her camp friends, then fell asleep hoping that her return home was just a nightmare and she would wake up in Bunk 36 just in time for shower hour. Unfortunately for Alyxys, her marathon slumber ended when she was awoken by the downstairs fire alarm which went off when the washer and dryer began smoking after a day and a half of consecutive use.

“I’ve heard Alyxys say she wishes she was back at camp at least a hundred times,” a frustrated Elyse mentioned, “Trust me, I wish she was back at camp, too!”

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