New York, NY (August 12, 2021) – In a recent study conducted by the Johns Hopkins University Behavioral Sciences department in conjunction with the American Camp Institute (ACI), it was determined that parents of sleepaway campers love their children more than double when they are not home for the summer. The test group of over three thousand tri-state parents were adamant that they love their kids nearly 125% more when they have limited contact outside of nightly pictures over the course of seven weeks.
Camp Huron Lake father of three Bill Brenner, like many delusional parents who quickly forgot the nights they prayed to the Heavens for the start of camp to come, has no recollection of the angst and hostility that filled his house for the last year and a half. “I can’t wait for the kiddos to come home. Yes, the house has been unbelievably quiet and my wife and I can do whatever the hell we want all of the time, but I can’t wait to be driving carpools and doing my kids’ homework late on Sunday nights. Man, I love them so much,” Brenner lied through his teeth as he washed down his third gummy of the night with a vodka martini.
One major factor that contributed to the increased adoration was that Visiting Days were canceled throughout the camping world which only led to fond hearts to grow fonder. According to several camp directors involved in the study, an overwhelming amount of parents requested that Visiting Day no longer take place even when pandemic restrictions are lifted because it gave them one less opportunity to trigger the memories of fighting over schoolwork and moving in and out of friend circles.
“When I see the pictures are loaded every night, I can see my daughter smiling and laughing with friends. The best part is that I honestly don’t care if she was a complete bitch to her counselors only seconds before,” commented Janice Fleischman, mother of Huron Lake Teen Jyna. “I’m finding that her not being around to tell me everything I’m doing wrong as a parent has really made me appreciate how much I truly love being her mother.”
The study also found that parents being able to post pictures of their campers on social media was a huge reason for the additional love. Parents over post a humble brag to show the over-the-top expensive camp their children attend or a “Proud Mama Moment” boasting about an award of which most outside the camp world could not possibly understand the meaning.
The study is also predicting that parents are likely to love their children 75% less within one week of their arrival home. Dr. Franz Johanssen of Johns Hopkins is fearful of upcoming re-entry, “When the hazy beer goggles parents have been viewing their children through for the past two months wear off as they sober up, it will create a parenting hangover that few can be prepared for.”