Dix Hills, NY (August 15, 2016) – Thousands of sleep away campers stepped off their camp buses into the welcoming arms of mothers and fathers at various shopping centers and high schools across the region this weekend. Tears of joy poured down the faces of parents and children alike as families were finally reunited after seven weeks of no-stress bliss for everyone. Unfortunately, as a study by the Camping Association of America (CAA) recently concluded, it only takes approximately one hour for parents to wish their children were back in camp.
The Weinbergs, Jocelyn and Marc, spent their seven weeks re-connecting with one another forging a bond stronger than the day they were wed. Long walks on the beach, relaxing dinners with friends, and easy Sunday mornings were replaced by looming late nights doing homework and refereeing fights between their son and daughter. For the Weinbergs, who picked their children up from the Camp Huron Lake bus at 12:35, it took until only 1:27 for them to both scream “We wish you were back in camp!” after the kids couldn’t decide whether they wanted their first meal home to be at Wendy’s or the Costco Food Court. “We were so happy to see the kids. They looked fantastic. But the second they got into the car, grabbed their cell phones, and proceeded to ignore us, we both wished they had stayed an extra few weeks,” commented Jocelyn. “Marc and I never realized just what pains in the ass these kids are.”
For the Silversteins of Millburn, NJ whose children also attend Camp Huron Lake, it was business as usual at the Livingston Mall bus pickup. “We fake excitement to have the kids home pretty much to show the other parents that we aren’t completely selfish assholes,” explained Kim, 42. “We know that we’ll be woken up at 3 am to get one of the kids water and that we’ll be spending three to four hours a day waiting for them to get ready to do stuff. No more late dinners out or spontaneous three-day weekend getaways for Larry and me. These kids are a real inconvenience.”
Larry echoed his wife’s sentiments. “If our kids are away for seven weeks of ‘independence and growth’” he gestured with air quotes, “then why do I have to hear my kids screaming that they need wipes every f’n time they’re sitting on the toilet? And do I really have to guard the shower to make sure no one walks in on them?”
In the study done by the CAA, approximately sixty percent of all parents polled thought that taking the kids directly from summer camp to boarding school was an “Excellent” idea while the other forty percent thought having the kids home for a day in between would be “Very Good” but preferred it to be between 10 and 12 hours including sleep time. Marvin Glickstein, president of the CAA, drew a very strong conclusion from the extensive study. “While most campers claim to live ’10 for 2’, we at the CAA believe that their feelings pale in comparison to how strongly parents live ’10 for 2’.”