Lake Huron, PA (June 24, 2022) – Chaos ensued at the staging ground a mile away from Camp Huron Lake as dozens of stressed parents tried to drop off their Covid-positive children by using fake or forged test documentation. Director Marty Feldstein and several assistants were forced to turn campers away as the Wayne County Board of Health representatives rejected a plethora of falsified documents ranging from phony misspelled vaccination cards to bogus letters from made up physicians and even a negative PCR test document containing what appeared to be the name, “Hiroto Takahashi”, who happens to be a 35 year-old Japanese neighbor of a returning junior camper who came to the drop off wearing a personalized “Josh” yarmulke.
After closing its doors to all but one camper in 2020 then creating a Covid-free bubble last summer by exacting stringent testing protocols, Feldstein felt it would be okay to loosen the reins a bit this year asking parents to abide by the honor system when representing the Covid status of their children. Unfortunately for the camp, parents were so desperate to unload their kids on someone else for the next seven weeks that come hell or high water, they were going to find a way to prove their children were in perfect health. In some instances, parents hurriedly drove away leaving their campers to figure it out on their own.
“We have a flight in a few hours out of JFK. This Europe trip has been postponed since 2020 from the Covid so I didn’t want to take any chances of my Jayyke testing positive so I bought a doctored PCR test from a guy in a trench coat outside the Urgent Care in the Five Towns,” explained Stacey Steinenstein, 49. “For a hundred bucks I got a negative test and a nice Rilex to wear on vacation so I don’t have to wear my real watch.”
Steinenstein’s husband Jon couldn’t get rid of his child soon enough. “Listen, he’s nine. He’ll figure it out and if not, isn’t that why we fill out the Emergency Contact forms? Worse comes to worst, my in-laws will fly up from Boynton and take care of it,” the cardiologist commented while motioning to his wife to make sure to turn off her phone so she could not be reached by the camp.
Feldstein and his camp staff have been fielding pleas from parents insisting that the pandemic is at its tail’s end and the severity of the disease is no worse than the common cold. Among the arguments in favor of the kids staying at camp are that they’ll be swimming most of the summer and chlorine in the pool and algae in the lake kill the virus, the kids will maintain a safe five-distance from one another with the exception of meals, sleeping, and all activities, and although Covid is highly transmissible on Long Island, it isn’t contagious in the summer in the Poconos.
For Feldstein, it has been years of dealing with fake birth certificates so campers can stay back a division in hopes of winning a coveted basketball or hockey tournament as well as ones who lie about medical issues to ensure getting to sleep near a window or not having to share a bunk bed. “It’s getting out of control at this point. I asked all campers to show proof they’re covid free as of last week. I had one mother who changed the five in her daughter’s ‘5/31/22’ negative test to a six so it read ‘6/31/22’ but I caught the error,” Feldstein proudly boasted. “Now I have to figure out if I send the kid home or just charge her parents for the extra day in June.”