Lake Huron, PA (June 28, 2022) – It only took a day and a half for the first child to be pulled from Camp Huron Lake as the neurotic parents of Allycyn Goldstein-Goldberg, a junior girl camper, was yanked from Bunk 10 early yesterday morning. Following a sleepless night of no pictures on the camp website, first time sleepaway parents Rebecca Gold-Goldstein-Goldberg and husband Josh Goldstein-Goldberg took the four hour drive from their home in Muttontown, Long Island straight to the Poconos to pick their daughter up from the idyllic oasis they spent the equivalent of two pre-owned Louis Vutton carry-alls to send her to.
Fresh from dropping their daughter off at the Roosevelt Field Mall, Gold-Goldstein-Goldberg and her six year-old son wept in the car as her husband reassured her that their first-born was under the caring watchful eyes of Camp Director Marty Feldstein and his ultra-experienced staff of hundreds. For the next ten hours the frantic woman wrote her daughter a letter about what’s been going on since she went away, started putting together a packing list for her son’s camp debut in 2024, and hit both Target and Staples to amass a plethora of school supplies for the fall. While many parents of new campers can abide by the “no news is good news” mantra, Rebecca can’t help but think that the camp is certainly hiding something by not splashing photos of her beautiful Allycyn all over the camp website and the Campitition Photo phone app.
Fearing the worst after not seeing their daughter in the first two hundred photos, the couple began pacing nervously as more pictures loaded onto the app. Gold-Goldstein-Goldberg was beside herself. “I bet the app can’t pick up her up because she got her eyebrows done on Friday. I knew I should’ve sent in a newer picture,” lamented the psychotic child therapist. “And Feldstein promised me my daughter would be in at least two pictures a day. Lying sack of crap.”
Although Allycyn was not featured in any pictures, she was seen by Girls Side Head Counselor Jess Richstein making friendship bracelets with another new camper, getting water poured on her head after hitting a three-point shot, and getting a piggy-back ride from her counselor Lucy from England.
“I can’t think of anyone having a better day than Allycyn had today. She made so many new friends, ate foods she’s never tried before, learned how to make her bed, and passed the swim test. But I suppose if her parents don’t have photographic evidence of it taking place then they have to question if it actually happened,” Richstein, who has been at Camp Huron Lake long enough to remember the year-end slide show excitement of showing up in even one picture.
A representative from Campitition was fortunately able to clear up why the junior girl camper was not tagged in any pictures. “When her name was entered into the system, it couldn’t recognize the ridiculous spelling so I couldn’t save it. After the tenth time I entered it, smoke started coming out of my computer so I just said ‘screw it’”, the rep responded through email.