Huron Lake, PA (June 8, 2012) – On an unseasonably cool and damp June afternoon, rookie campers experienced a slice of what they have to look forward to all summer as their mothers compared and contrasted packing lists and hygienic products. Young semetic boys and girls played basketball and kickball as well as partook in lanyard making sessions.
While the children were reveling in their new summer home, parents were taken on a tour of the sprawling grounds of Camp Huron Lake, a camp comprised of mostly Jewish youth from well-off but not extravagantly wealthy families. As mothers began to huddle during the walk, conversation quickly switched to how excited they were for their children to what they’d be packing for the summer.
“I was having a great time until I ran into Cynthia Rust,” explained Lauren Blustein of New Jersey. “I was packing four tooth brushes for my son but after talking to her, I don’t think that’s enough. She’s packing ten and sending up one with every letter she writes plus a gross of toothbrushes on Visiting Day. I have to get to CVS on the way home. Shit! DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THERE’S A CVS IN SCRANTON???”
Mrs. Rust, also from New Jersey, defended her actions. “If Jake’s toothbrush touches another toothbrush, that’s not one of his, it gets thrown away. If it touches the sink, ground, a towel, someone’s soap, another camper, any piece of hair, attached to someone’s head or on the sink, any clothing, he’s breaking out a new Oral-B. If the brush touches a tooth with chocolate on it, if it’s used to get something out between two teeth, if it’s used to clean his teeth, it gets tossed. Fuck it. Why don’t we just get him disposable toothbrushes? That’s a great idea! 51 days times 3 brushes a day times 2 for each brushing in case anything happens. That’s a lot of toothbrushes to pack. I guess he’ll only bring 30 pairs of underwear instead of 45.”
When asked about his oral hygiene, new camper Matthew Blustein offered, “I have to bring a toothbrush? Oh, man. I thought I was getting a break from that for the summer. Oh well, at least my parents won’t be yelling at me to brush.”
As the girls and boys enjoyed hamburgers and hot dogs and ice cream sandwiches, nervous mothers of boys were too frazzled to eat. One mother, Stephanie Wolfson also from New Jersey, foolishly mentioned that her son was going to bring Axe roll-on deodorant. That set off another angst-filled frenzy among the mothers. Axe, the number one selling male hygiene product on Staten Island, is also apparently a favorite among the coveted 8-9 year old male Jewish demographic. “When my son goes to a social, I want to make sure those little princesses can smell him coming from a mile away,” explained Wolfson. When asked why a 9 year old has the need for deodorant Rust offered a simple explanation. “In the off chance that my son sprouts a single hair under his arm in the seven weeks he’s away, I want to make sure that hair doesn’t stink up the entire bunk.”
The conversation quickly veered toward the amount of socks being packed by one mother, Erin Levy. “Twenty pairs of socks? That’s all you’re bringing??” exclaimed the serial over-packer “I’m sending around sixty. I lost track after packing Alex’s Day 3 Color War afternoon yellow ankle-length socks.”
Parents of girl campers were not immune to the over-zealous packing of others. Maureen Hoffman of New Jersey who is planning to get to the Sunday bag drop off at the Livingston Mall the Friday night before just to make sure her daughter’s monogrammed duffle bags get safely on the truck, was concerned about some of the mothers packing items typically not needed for nine year old girls. “I overheard one mother of a seven-year old saying she accidentally allowed her daughter to drink non-organic milk at a family graduation party when she was three so she’s sending up a few of her old pre-Lulu Lemon sports bras just in case. What the hell is wrong with these people?!?!”
Cynthia Rust chimed in. “Although as a third-grader, my son is still at the stage where he ‘hates’ girls, I’m sending him up with a few bras too in case he dates an older camper whose mother didn’t think to pack one for her.”