Area Families Convene on Livingston Mall to Send Children Off to Camp

Livingston, NJ (June 22, 2013) – Hundreds of NY Tri-State area parents bid adieu to their children this morning in tony Livingston, New Jersey.   Dozens of camps’ buses littered the parking lot on what is normally a quiet time for the area mall.

Camps were strategically placed throughout the 500 acre parking lot.  Camp Tyler Hill, one of Pennsylvania’s more upscale camps, was set up in front of Lord & Taylor, only after being denied a pick up spot by Neiman Marcus in The Mall at Short Hills.  Camp B’Nai Brith, a subsidized Jewish federation camp with over 300 campers, was set up in front of the Sears Automotive Center while other camps were scattered throughout.

Returning campers sprinted to reunite with old friends while new campers could barely escape the vice-like grips of their overbearing Jewish mothers.   “I couldn’t let little Joshie go,” cried Jen Horowitz, mother of Josh Horowitz of Camp Huron Lake. “He was fighting me like a dog getting into a bathtub but I held on to his umbilical cor…um, his arm as tight as I could.  I let go slightly when I noticed this hand turning blue.”

As mothers worried over who their children would sit next to on the two-hour bus ride, fathers of now empty households quietly planned out tee times and mid-day sex romps.  “My wife is crying her eyes out that Emily wasn’t sitting next to Amanda on the bus so her summer was basically ruined.  All I kept thinking about is how I’ll be coming home from work getting undressed in the car while Lori’ll be home cooking only in the apron Jake made her for Mother’s Day 2008,” overexcitedly exclaimed Jon Goldstein, father of Jake Goldstein.”  Wife Lori quickly shot down those ideas.  “Shut up, you idiot.  You know I don’t cook!  Now wave to Jakey.”

The buses slowly rolled away starting at 11:00 am.  As Camp Huron Lake’s two buses pulled out one mother was seen chasing the chartered bus and leaping on to its exhaust grids.  “I’ve been training for the past two months to take a run at the bus and the training paid off.  I made it almost to the Barnes & Noble before I couldn’t hold on any longer,” said Ellen Rabinowitz, mother of first-time camper Alexis.

As the buses finally disappeared from sight, mother Jill Silverstein, doing her best Oskar Schindler impression, broke down and cried hysterically.   “I could have packed more. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just… I could have got more.”

Husband Eric replied, “Jill, he’s got 20 toothbrushes and 80 pairs of socks!”

“If you made more money… You threw away so much money on your golf membership and that stupid Lexus. You have no idea. If you’d just… “

“Jill, there will be generations of kids who won’t need toiletries because of what you bought.”

“ I didn’t buy enough! “

“You bought so much.”

“This car. Someone would have bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten thousand more sticks of deodorant right there. Ten more pairs of socks.   This engagement ring. Two thousand more graffiti sweatshirts. This is a gold bracelet. Three hundred more pairs of Sofee shorts. The lady at Zales would have given me two thousand dollars for it, at least one more personalized shirt.”

“I could have packed more… and I didn’t! And I… I didn’t! “

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