Millburn, NJ (June 13, 2017) – Based on her inordinate amount of Facebook posts in the past months, local mother, Julie Goldfine, 44, believes she is the only parent in the Northeast who is getting her kids ready for camp in a few short weeks. Between pictures of black monogrammed duffel bags being filled and general posts detailing the “Packing Hell” she is living through, Goldfine is making it very clear that no single person on the entire eastern seaboard is going through anything vaguely similar to what she is experiencing.
What differentiates Goldfine, she feels, from all other parents prepping their children for camp is that she not only has to pack for one child, but she also has to pack for a second. After sending son, Jake, 11, to Camp Huron Lake, last summer, she and husband, Marc, have decided to send their daughter, Rebycca, 9, as well. Although she is eagerly awaiting a summer free of chicken nuggets, carpooling, and sibling rivalry, getting ready has been a “living nightmare”.
“I thought last summer was bad. But with two kids to pack for it’s been hellish. Has anyone ever packed for two kids?” Goldfine inquired, unaware that 87% of children who attend sleepaway camp have siblings who attend too. “I’ve never been this stressed. Every time I walk by the bags, I pop a Xanax. The only thing keeping me sane is posting pictures on Facebook and Instagram showing the progress of the packing. All of those likes and sympathetic comments keep me going.”
In addition to ordering hundreds of items through her Amazon Prime account, Goldfine has enlisted her husband to grab essentials such as an extra iPod Nano, a third pair of lacrosse cleats for Jake, and Salvatore Ferragamo slides for Rebycca to wear so she doesn’t have to walk from the shower to her changing area in her wet shower shoes. Amazingly, Goldfine still seems to think that she is the only parent who is under the gun to get all the last second items into the bags. But posting pictures of the bags on a Twitter account created specifically for the duffels has definitely relieved much of her unwanted stress.
Goldfine’s non-Jewish friends including Marissa McDowell, whose sarcastic comments such as “Poor baby!”and “What a trooper!” don’t translate well on Goldfine’s Facebook pictures, have absolutely no sympathy for her. “Her nanny is doing all the damn packing. We don’t know what the hell she’s bitching about.”