Kitchen, Wife’s Legs Now Closed for Summer while Children Away at Camp

Syosset, NY (June 26, 2017) – Doug Rosenstein could not wait to drop off his kids at the Camp Huron Lake bus this past Saturday knowing that a summer of home cooked meals and sexual escapades waited for him upon returning home kid-free for seven weeks.  After being promised by his wife, Jocelyn, that “once the kids go away” their relationship would revert to their early marriage years, Rosenstein was sorely disappointed late Sunday evening after a meal at home followed by their first intercourse in several weeks.

As the couple washed up for bed, Doug, a 42 year-old compliance officer at a multinational bank, was quickly informed by his wife that she had fulfilled her promise of cooking (bringing home a Costco chicken and microwaving  frozen corn) and having sex (checking for pictures of their kids while Doug did his thing) for the summer.  “Sex: check, cooking: check.  I’m glad I, I mean we got that out of the way so quickly.  Now we can focus our attention on binge watching Grey’s Anatomy, Season 5,” Jocelyn, a speech pathologist remarked.  “I hate having this hanging over my head all summer, so glad it’s over with.”

The scenario at the Rosenstein household is not uncommon says relationship expert, Sarah Wolf, PhD.  “It’s a Catch-22 situation for these stay-at-home mothers.  All year, they’re busy helping with homework, driving the carpool, packing lunches.  Once the kids go away, the last thing they want is to have to cook a meal then have their husbands fondling and groping them like sex-starved twenty year-olds. “

For the Rosensteins, the envy of their non-Jewish friends who have to see their children in person all summer, this is a time where they can sit back and relax with a glass of wine during the day, partake in mid-morning coitus if they please, or just lounge by the pool without having to break up a sibling squabble.  While the children are away they have the opportunity to reconnect as a couple reminding themselves why they got married to one another fifteen years ago.  Instead, Jocelyn plans on spending evenings out to dinner with friends when she is not playing Word Cookies or watching Bachelor in Paradise and thinking up new and clever ways to tell her husband she has “a headache”.

Although the summer is certainly not off to the start Doug anticipated, he is taking the new plan in stride.  “I’m just happy we’re not running the dishwasher nightly and doing five loads of laundry every day.  Maybe things will change when we’re older and the kids are in college,” Doug commented as his wife laughed so hard she peed herself.

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