Huron Lake, PA (August 2, 2017) – Camp WannaWannaBe Junior Boy Zack Hurstein defected to Camp Huron Lake late yesterday afternoon during Huron Lake’s annual boys baseball tournament. After years of harsh treatment at WannanWannaBe, Hurstein made the difficult decision to leave his friends and family behind to enjoy the lush paradise that is Huron Lake.
After his team lost in the first round of the tournament, Hurstein, armed with only a five dollar bill and the clothes on his back decided his best option to defect was to hide out in the Bunk 17 far left toilet stall while his campmates began to board the van home. Luckily for Hurstein, the WannaWannaBe coach/driver did not do a count or a buddy call before leaving the premises so no one in the traveling party recognized his absence. Once the tournament was over, a tired and famished Hurstein emerged from the bunk seeking asylum in his new home away from home.
Among the reasons Hurstein, 10, of Old Bethpage, NY, left his old camp was that WannaWannaBe did not have air-conditioned bunks which made sleeping difficult that one night each summer that the temperature is over seventy-five degrees. Hurstein did not enjoy the oppressive staff making him participate in sweat-inducing activities such as softball, swimming, cooking, and GaGa. He additionally felt that the lunch and dinner buffets were lacking a variety of salad dressings and complained that fresh kiwi and pomegranate were only available on Mondays and Wednesdays.
With less than two weeks to go in the camp season, Hurstein’s decision put a lot of pressure on Camp Huron Lake Director Marty Feldstein. “This camp was founded on the principles of liberty and freedom for all campers so I cannot turn my back on a camper who was clearly miserable at his old camp toiling in a communist-like atmosphere. We will outfit our newest addition with the finest clothing from the Lost and Found and provide him room and board at no charge. We would charge him a prorated tuition fee but unfortunately we don’t know his parents and he only has their phone numbers on his cell phone which is back at home,” Feldstein announced to his head staff.
Hurstein is the first camper to defect from WannaWannaBe since 1988 when, upon hearing Huron Lake provided all campers with pastel-colored Champion camp sweatshirts, the entire Super Senior girls volleyball team hid in the woods for seven hours securing their freedom and a ridiculously oversized 100% cotton body-concealing outer garment.
At press time it was unclear if Hurstein would be on the Marlboro, Livingston, or Long Island bus to go home since his parents likely will not be showing up anyway.