British Counselors Confuse the Hell Out of Camper Getting Her First Period

Huron Lake, PA (August 4, 2017) – Inter Girl Melynie Gersfeld, 12, became the first of her Bunk 26 friends to cross the threshold from childhood into the sacred covenant of womanhood this summer.  While her mother, Elissa, had prepared her for the inevitable rite of passage, Melynie was forced to lean on her bunkmates and Camp America counselors Agnes Jones and Elisabeth Thomas for guidance as she experienced her menarche.  Elissa had even hoped that her daughter would menstruate for the first time among the sisterhood that is her supportive, nurturing camp friends to help ease the awkwardness and confusion that many young ladies experience.

After the girls calmed down from their initial excitement of their first “grown up” friend, Gersfeld sought out womanly advice from her two nineteen year-old counselors, both of whom had gotten their periods only six years prior.   Gersfeld’s bunkmates had urged her to see the nurse at the camp health center but she thought it would be easier to connect with her counselors instead of the septuagenarian nurse.

Jones started by telling her camper that it is “bloody brilliant” in a rather non-ironic way that she got her period but first she needs to “change her knickers” then “put a nappy on her pumpum” in case of intermittent spotting.  Thomas chimed in and added that when it is “arts and crafts week at Panty Camp” a girl has to make sure that her “fanny has a hanky or a sani” as the girls looked at one another in a state of stupefied confusion.

Bunkmate Jenna Weissman then mentioned that she heard a rumor around school that using tampons is for non-virgins only.  “That’s rubbish!  I reckon the cotton pony is for anyone,” Thomas lectured the girls which then led Weissman to whisper to Gersfeld, “What the heck is she talking about? Do we even have horseback riding as an elective here?  I’m not ready to be a woman.”

Thomas added that the girls should always “be careful to put the tampon in their quim and not up their bums because it’ll really hurt their arses” as she and Jones howled in laughter.

Gersfeld, regretting asking for advice and perplexed beyond belief, mentioned that she felt tired and was experiencing abdominal cramping and asked if those were normal symptoms of her now monthly friend. “You may feel knackered,” Jones advised, “so go to the chemist, grab a few Anadin, then have a kip.”

Upon the completion of the ten most bewildering moments of their lives, Gersfeld headed to the health center to be lectured by the camp nurse on how to take care of her “cha cha” while her bunkmates made a pact to never in a million years get their periods.

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