Facial Recognition Software Failing to Differentiate CIT Girls After Winter Nose Jobs

Lake Huron, PA (July 5, 2023) – Facial recognition software giant Candid Campera has struggled to identify any Camp Huron Lake’s 17 year-old CIT girls when doing its nightly ID process due to a majority of the girls getting their noses done by Dr. Paul Benjamin of the East Side Surgery Center.  Typically, the software has a near perfect record of being able to pick out campers from as far away as one hundred feet but the combination of brown eyes, brown curly hair and the exact same nose has caused the software to malfunction several times in the first week and a half of camp.

In addition to the rhinoplasties done by Dr. Benjamin, most of the girls have gotten keratin hair treatments within a few days of arriving at the summer oasis and have even gone as far as having their eyebrows sculpted in a similar fashion.  Dr. Benjamin has become the hottest doctor in the nose job game in recent years.

“I’ve done a lot of really fulfilling but challenging work in my career including fixing cleft palates in underdeveloped African countries and breast reconstruction surgeries for financially disadvantaged cancer survivors all over the world, but this winter has been my biggest challenge to date,” opined the 45 year-old plastic surgeon to the tri-state area’s who’s who. “To do the exact same nose for twelve different girls wasn’t easy but with my team of professionals we were able to conquer the near impossible of making the girls of Bunk 48 of 2022 look like they were all descendants of the same mother and father.”

Facial recognition is the process of identifying or verifying a person’s identity using their face. It captures, analyzes, and compares patterns based on the person’s facial details. The technology has been perfected by data scientists over the past decade enough that the Candid Campera has capitalized on it by offering their services to camps who post nightly pictures of the day’s events.  It has literally given parents back thousands of hours wasted scrolling through 500-600 pictures on the camp website on a nightly basis.  With the technology, parents can either receive an email or similar notification to be notified that their child is most likely in a staged photo so they don’t call to complain that their child is not in any pictures.

Because the CIT year tuition is slightly less than a normal camper, parents have made sure that extra scratch wouldn’t burn a hole in their pockets. “I saved like $1,100 this summer so is there a better way to get rid of it plus about twenty grand more than to give my Harpyr a brand new look?” commented Josh Metzger, 53, of Short Hills, NJ. “And if she has the exact same nose as all of her camp friends, they can’t possibly make fun of her for being ugly.”

When asked to give a timeline as to when the software would be updated to fix the errors, a spokesperson for Candid Campera said it would be around Visiting Day or when the swelling of each girl’s nose subsides.

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