Huron Lake, PA (August 2, 2016) – Renowned sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, 88, and her team of nurses did a remarkable job along with the Camp Huron Lake infirmary staff as its lead doctor for week five of the summer season. The four-foot-seven Sorbonne-educated Westheimer had no previous experience running an infirmary or medical clinic of any kind but used her unorthodox style of therapy to successfully treat campers, counselors and adult staff.
Despite never having treated a cold or stitching a wound, Dr. Ruth had a remarkable one-week run in her first stint as a camp doctor. After a quiet first day on the job, Dr. Ruth’s first visitor to the infirmary was ten year-old Allysyn Rosenfeld who was complaining of a sore ankle after falling on her way to advanced jewelry making. Rosenfeld, slightly limping upon entering the small 20×20 building, emerged a new child after her ankle was treated with Femystique Cherry-Flavored Arousal Gel which temporarily numbed the ankle area then gradually turned into a smooth, tingly, cooling sensation allowing the young lady to meet back up with her friends at instructional swim.
When Senior Boy Group Leader, Jonathan Katz entered the infirmary on Tuesday with a sore shoulder from giving a husky 12 year-old camper a piggy back ride, he was immediately given a thorough rectal examination by Dr. Ruth followed by a gentle shoulder massage using a variable-speed vaginal vibrator which immediately soothed the aching shoulder. Katz, 19, was surprised by but pleased with his half-hour stay in the infirmary. “She was gentle and caring. My shoulder was killing me but by massaging that area with different speeds of pulsating action, she was not only able to fix my shoulder but the clitoral stimulator also provided deep tissue stimulation to the area which will allow me greater flexibility in the entire shoulder region. Still not sure why she had the nurse gently caress my testicles but she’s a doctor and she obviously knows what she’s doing.”
Dr. Ruth admits she may not be the typical camp physician but she is as resourceful with limited medical supplies as any doctor as has ever been. On Thursday, Boys’ Side Assistant Head, Barry Goldenstein, 22, was suffering from dizziness and vomiting. Through the use of a highly-reliable rectal thermometer followed, again, by a thorough rectal examination, Goldenstein’s body temperature was determined to be a blistering 103.2 degrees. To reduce his fever as quickly as possible, Dr. Ruth provided Goldenstein with a frozen four-foot long silicone double-ended dildo which she promptly wrapped around his head while her assistant gently caressed his testicles. Goldenstein was invigorated only moments after being treated by the creative German-born sexologist. “I’ve never thought to wrap my head in a giant double-ender but I have to admit, I feel fantastic. That Dr. Ruth is a genius.”
Since Dr. Ruth’s arrival to Camp Huron Lake, infirmary traffic from Boys Side Upper Camp (14-17 year-olds) has increased a whopping 7,000%. Dr. Ruth’s head nurse Busty Coxxxxx has been completely overwhelmed by the constant parade of boys coming to the infirmary. “Yesterday there was a line a hundred kids long. They’re a bunch of hypochondriacs all of a sudden. ‘My toe hurts, my pancreas is itchy, my penis is swollen…’ They’re making everything up. It’s a joke. I’m done with the testicle massages and prostate exams.”
Next week Dr. Ruth will make way for Dr. Dre in week six then Dr. J to finish out the camp season.