Livingston, NJ (July 25, 2019) – For decades local Semitic parents have been charting a course for the Livingston Mall in late June to put their children on a chartered bus headed to the camp of their choosing. Typically, this yearly event has fallen on a weekend but with the New York State Regent testing culminating later than usual, many camps have been forced to start their summers during the week. For one late arriving family and another behind-schedule commuter who share a very common last name in the area, the mass confusion at 8 am yesterday resulted in a bus-boarding snafu that had to be seen to be believed.
Because ten year-old Jake Kaplan’s mother needed to dress up for the drop off like she was attending a black tie Bat Mitzvah, the Kaplans arrived at the bus with less than a minute to spare. At the exact same time, 33 year-old Jack Kaplan, very strung out on psychedelic mushrooms, arrived at the mall via Lyft to hop on the NJ Transit bus to take him into midtown Manhattan where he serves as the Chief Information Officer at a cannabis start up. The perfect storm ensued as the Camp Huron Lake counselor yelled “Last call for Kaplan!” as the elder Kaplan pulled up. He darted onto the bus in a fog, sunglasses on to hide his bloodshot eyes. About five minutes after the camp bus departed, Jake’s parents, desperate to unload him so they could catch their 9:30 am flight to Anchorage to begin their Alaskan cruise, barely stopped the car as they quickly kissed first-year camper Jake and dumped him onto NJ Transit Bus #114.
Upon arriving at Huron Lake, a groggy but still tripping Jack proceeded to Bunk 17 upon the request of Camp Director Marty Feldstein who assumed Jack was the new counselor for the Junior Boy division. After some hamburgers and hot dogs down by the lake, Jack and his new bunkmates played basketball then soccer both which Jack absolutely dominated his new peers, two decades his junior. Following the decimation of his fellow campers, Jack enjoyed ceramics and lanyard making then shocked his new pals upon emerging from the shower with only Jake Kaplan’s towel around his neck.
“I don’t know where the hell I am but I can seriously get used to this,” commented Jack who was jonesing for the evening dinner consisting of pasta salad and chicken nuggets. “Those were some solid shrooms.”
Jake Kaplan luckily found one of Jack’s commuting friends who mistakenly thought Jake was looking for Jack Kaplan so he was directed to Jack’s office on West 44th Street where Jake found refuge in Jack’s sprawling corner office. After taking a nap on the pullout sofa, Jake toured the office much to his liking. In addition to three gaming systems set up on 72-inch flatscreens, the office offered a ping pong table, foosball, several standup classic video games and a kitchen stocked with more than enough soda and snacks to last a year.
“This camp is amazing. No supervision, video games all day long and all the soda and junk food I could eat,” Jake excitedly exclaimed following his presentation at the weekly Tuesday status meeting, “My parents are the best!!”