Huron Lake, PA (July 12, 2016) – Due to an influx of local citizens trespassing on the grounds of Camp Huron Lake, Director Marty Feldstein has promised parents and future parents of campers that he will build a giant wall to prevent these unwanted guests from using the camp facilities without having to pay a dime. In addition to using the water equipment on the lake among other amenities, the townies have also been seen in the camp infirmary receiving health care free of charge.
For years, locals have been watching the Camp fireworks display on July 4th from the comfort of their own yards which Feldstein was happy to share with the members of his summer community. But on more than a dozen occasions since the start of the camp season, a young male townie was seen using a sailboat or paddle boat when it was clear to everyone that it was the Junior Girls’ activity in that time slot. Additionally, three devastated Super Senior Girls were unable to get spin bikes 3, 7, and 12 because of locals claiming to have signed up online for those spots earlier in the day. It has become more than just a damper on the summer.
“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our camp border, and I will make the townies pay for that wall. Mark my words.” explained Feldstein.
This summer it seems like the infirmary has been more crowded than ever mostly due to the increased presence of locals who do not have health insurance coverage of their own. The Hippocratic Oath has prevented the camp doctors from refusing examinations of the locals and has caused a back log of several hours. Special triage areas have been established to dispense lozenges for all of the less severe ailments.
Inter Boy camper Jake Wilkowitz has had one of his worst summers ever. “I made the basketball team for three straight summers and this year, one of the townies took my spot. I have no idea how the heck that happened. Why are they even allowed to try out for the team if they don’t go to camp here?”
Several townies have entered the camp illegally and lived among the campers for over two weeks without being detected prompting Feldstein to exclaim, “We’re going to have a deportation force, and we’re going to do it humanely. Don’t forget…that we have hundreds of families waiting in line to come into this camp and they’re waiting to come in at ten grand a kid. And I always say the wall, we’re going to build the wall. It’s going to be a real deal. It’s going to be a real wall.”