Morristown, NJ (Sept 4, 2014) – Fed up with entertaining her three whiny, bitchy children all of July and August, single mother Andrea Smith of Morristown followed through on her promise that she’ll be so happy she’ll “blow the fuckin’ bus driver on the first day of school”.   Smith’s summer of hell mercifully came to a close at 7:43 am as her kids boarded the bus to begin the 2014-2015 school year. During two brutal months home with three elementary-aged…

Lake Huron, PA (Aug 10, 2014) – A typo on the Color War Bucket Brigade rules made by Camp Huron Lake secretary Diane Abraham led to an unbelievably unfortunate event yesterday morning as Huron Lake was accidentally drained.  Instead of the rules calling for each team to fill up one garbage can with lake water, Abraham, while taking a call from a mother concerned that her son was wearing the same shirt five days in a row, accidentally held down…

Dulce, New Mexico (August 9, 2014) – Chief Cochise, leader of the Native American Apache tribe held a morning press conference yesterday denouncing the use of the name “Apache” to represent an absurd relay race involving campers across the land stolen from his ancestors.  Cochise, who spoke in his native South Athabaskan language, was translated by local anthropologist, Len Harris. The Apache relay has been a staple of sleep away camp Color Wars for decades.  The race is made up…

Lake Huron (August 9, 2014) – Camp Huron Lake Director Marty Feldstein decided to hold the 2014 Color War Rope Burn the night before the divisional Tugs of War for the first time in camp history.  While this seemed like a fairly innocuous change of schedule, the Tug of War ropes were burned leaving the Arts & Crafts department scrambling to create a 120 foot combination Cobra/Chinese Staircase stitch lanyard thick enough to withstand the pulling torque of fifty maniacal…

Huron Lake, PA (August 4, 2014) – Last night, The Murray Abraham Social Hall on the grounds of Camp Huron Lake was transformed into the American south for the 2014 summer production of “The Color Purple”.  Although the elaborate sets were stunning, the show opened to mostly negative reviews from campers and staff who sat through two and a half hours of depressing, lifeless theatre. “The Color Purple”, a Tony Award Winning Musical, takes place mainly in Georgia between 1909…