Camp Picture Signals: What Your Child is Really Saying to You

As thousands of pictures flood camp websites, many parents are struggling to figure out their child’s state of well-being.  A great majority of parents have set up a signal system with their kids to help communicate how they’re doing.  Below is a handy guide that may help you determine what each signal a camper is giving actually means.

Signal		What Parents Think It Means		What It Really Means
Teeth clenched, eyes half-squinting		The photographer caught my camper right before he/she is about to smile		I'm holding in a shit but this fuckin' photographer won't let me leave to go back to my bunk
Two thumbs up		My camper is having an awesome time		I've been cast as the lead role of Arthur Fonzarelli in this summer's production of Happy Days.
One finger up, outside part of the group picture		My camper was probably a little late getting into the group shot		The photographer made me stand next to these douche baggy kids
Mouth wide open, bottom of pile of friends		My camper likely scored the winning point in today's big game		I can't breathe, please call 911 as soon as you see this picture
Male one thumb up, one eye opened, one closed		My camper has something in his/her eye and is about to use his/her thumb to pry it loose		My counselor got a hand job last night right outside the bunk and we all heard it
Pointer and thumb on both hands creating a heart shape		I LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD!!!		I LOVE being away from YOU, MOM AND DAD! No one here is micromanaging my life!
Two fingers holding nose		My camper seems to have caught a case of the sniffles		The kid who sleeps next to me hasn't showered in six and a half days
Male hand in or near crotch area		Looks like my camper got caught doing a quick adjustment as the picture was taken		Please, please bring up Gold Bond or baby powder on Visiting Day, the humidity is killing me
Eyes on person whose arm is around him		My camper is probably talking to his/her new friend to say how wonderful it is that they met		Get your filthy fuckin' hands off my LeBron/Steph Curry/Carmelo jersey
Wearing flat brimmed hat w/stickers still on, two/three fingers in front of chest		My son apparently forgot to take the tags off the hat and bend the brim into a semicircular shape		Oceanside/Great Neck/Syosset in the house, mothafuckas
Female eyes wide open, hand near privates		Seems my daughter may have accidentally taken a ball to her nether regions		Just got period for first time but thirteen year old friend told me exactly what to do so I'm totally fine
Hands on bare feet		Look mom, I told you I didn't need sixty pairs of socks		British counselor stole all of my socks
Hands on ears		Sounds like the bugle is a bit too loud for my precious {insert child's name here}'s delicate ear drums		Please bring new pair of Beats, can't get a full appreciation of Taylor Swift on iPhone headphones
Female, tongue pressing out cheek, hand in fist next to mouth on opposite side		Oh my god! I can't believe my baby would do such a thing, but at least it's with a nice Jewish boy		Mom, I've been eating a ton of carrots and my eyesight has never been better
One foot up, staring at shoes		The extra gymnastic lessons we're paying for are really working out well. My child can finally stand on one foot.		My brand new KD's got ruined mudsliding. Please bring another $120 pair on visiting day.
Two hands on buttocks		Wow! My camper is really great at doing the Macarena!!		I haven't take a number two since I got here, please bring a sack of White Castle burgers on Visiting Day.
One hand near crotch, head turned away		My camper is probably trying out for the talent show by doing a Michael Jackson impression		Just found out Rebecca Goldstein may let me touch her boob over the shirt and I have a giant erection
Camper naked		It's great that my camper is so free with his body at such a young age		I think you shipped me or my bags to the wrong camp
12 year old female in micro bikini		My daughter has a great figure		My mother is living vicariously through me
Team posing with huge trophy, each member flashing # 1 sign		The camp must be full of great athletes like my {insert child's name here}.		Even though we came in last place and got shut out every game, we still got this huge trophy because everyone gets a trophy for signing up
Middle finger		My camper usually points with his pointer finger so I'm going to call the camp to make sure he didn't sprain or, god forbid, break it		I know you want to capture the entire camp experience, and honestly, I do appreciate that, but do you have to take a picture of me while I'm taking a dump?