Huron Lake, PA (July 5, 2016) – It took only one week, ten days shorter than last summer, for Camp Huron Lake Super Senior Boy Josh Teitelbaum, 14, to lose all of his underwear. Packed with twenty-one pairs, Teitelbaum anticipated having more than enough to last the full seven days before the first laundry day but it was not meant to be for a second consecutive summer.
Upon disembarking the camp bus, Teitelbaum did a full sprint to Bunk 29 to change into a new pair after a minor burrito accident during the three hour ride to camp. The massive steak burrito along with the prior evening’s last meal of eighteen pieces of sushi along with three burgers from Five Guys was just the right combination to ruin pair number one of Teitelbaum’s. Pairs number two and three were thrown away following an afternoon of mud sliding on the small boys’ side soccer field as Teitelbaum deemed them too dirty to wear again.
Pairs four through nine were presumably stolen by English gymnastics specialist, Gavin Thomas, who amassed most of his wardrobe by pillaging the Super Senior Boys bunks while they were enjoying an all-camp movie. Teitelbaum, on Wednesday, decided to tie-dye two pairs which he got back on Friday. Unfortunately, the young man developed a rash on his testicles from the cheap dyes the art staff ordered this summer and was forced to discard both pairs and spend a night in the infirmary. While he was in the infirmary, his bunkmates decided to use three of his brand new pairs as hand towels in the bathroom since his cubbies are closest to the rear bathroom.
The tie-dyed underwear that irritated Teitelbaum’s testicles.
“I got back from the infirmary and all of a sudden I’m down to only six pairs including what I’m wearing and laundry day was three days away,” explained Teitelbuam, “I’ll ask Goldie if I can have a new pair of his since I’m so low.”
After asking Goldie in confidence to spot him a new pair, Goldie immediately broadcast the news of Teitelbaum’s dilemma to the rest of the bunk. His bunkmates then opted to give him an atomic wedgie on two separate occasions ripping pairs sixteen and seventeen and re-aggravating his testicle injury. That same night, Teitelbaum enjoyed a nocturnal emission while dreaming of Teen Girl Counselor Shana Weinberg then accidentally tossed his underwear in the garbage after changing into pair number nineteen.
Unfortunately for Teitelbaum, the gymnastics specialist also tie-dyed several pairs of underwear and developed a similar rash on his genitals so he swiped the remaining three pairs of Teitelbaum’s underwear during the Fourth of July fireworks extravaganza.
Until visiting day, Teitelbaum is expected to wear a bathing suit to all swimming and non-swimming activities.
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