Mother Freaking Out that Daughter Only One in Bunk Not Sick

Lake Huron, PA (July 9, 2021) – Long Island mother of three, Stacey Wolfowitz, 44, got the shock of her life last night on her “Hot Mama’s [sic] of CHL Bunk 28” group chat when she realized her daughter Raychel, a fourteen year-old Senior girl at Camp Huron Lake, was the lone member of her bunk not experiencing dizziness, fever, and abdominal pain and cramping. While the other “Hot Mamas” were discussing a phone call each received from a member of the infirmary staff, Wolfowitz, for the life of her could not imagine a scenario where her daughter would not be miserably vomiting like the rest of her bunkmates.

“That poor kid.  The other girls are getting so much attention and my Raychel is missing out,” lamented Wolfowitz, whose daughter was spending the day with the non-quarantined girls at a rented out water park. “I have a feeling that Danyelle’s mom told the girls to exclude Raychel. It’s the parents…the kids learn it from the parents.”

After a challenging year socially and academically for her daughter, Wolfowitz counted down the days until the start of the Camp Huron Lake seven-week session so that Raychel could recharge her batteries and strengthen the already tight bonds she and her bunkmates share even though several chose to attend Raechyl Horowitz’s Bat Mitzvah instead of hers. The thought of Bunk 28 binge-watching the newest season of Outer Banks in the Health Center in between sprints to the bathroom without her daughter was nearly enough to call Camp Director Marty Feldstein.

Following her seventh forensic-level investigation of a picture of the Bunk 28 girls at the Cooking Center that included all of the girls with the exception of her Raychel and Rai’chel Berkowitz, Wolfowitz concluded that her daughter could not possibly have been with the girls, although someone was wearing her sweatshirt and Jericho Lacrosse shorts.  The crazed mother had seen enough and put away her jewelry loupe and magnifying glass then immediately called Feldstein to see why her precious little girl was presumably thrown out of the bunk and several items of clothing were stolen.

“It was an awkward conversation, that’s for sure.  I had to tell her that Raychel got her period for the first time and the rest of the bunk was going to throw her a surprise “Period Party” including a red velvet cake to celebrate,” Feldstein explained while several female staff members listened in to ensure he did not mention anything about the female genitalia. “We’re short-staffed so our soccer specialist is also taking on cooking a few times a week.  In hindsight it was a huge mistake because he couldn’t figure out the ratio of ounces to fluid drams. They put in way too much red food coloring and one girl thinks they may have added real velvet scraps from Arts & Crafts. The girls all got violently ill after licking the batter.”

Bunk 28 created a beautifully decorated red velvet cake to honor their friend’s entry to womanhood. Unfortunately, the cake was inedible due to copious amounts of food coloring and traces of actual velvet.

Satisfied with Feldstein’s honest and heartwarming description of the situation but still disappointed that her daughter was not part of this intense bonding moment, Wolfowitz put the call on mute then asked her husband, “Should I ask Marty if it’s too late to give Raychel some of the cake?”

4 Comments on "Mother Freaking Out that Daughter Only One in Bunk Not Sick"

  1. I’m pretty sure that was Stacy Wolfowytz

  2. To Rob’s point: Wolfowytz, Berkowytz, Feldsteyn. All the Y’s

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