Huron Lake, PA (July 16, 2018) – She had been eagerly awaiting this day for the past three weeks to hold and squeeze her first born, but when she was finally experiencing Visiting Day at Camp Huron Lake, Jenna Finkelfish proceeded to incessantly snap pictures of her daughter in various locales and take self-photos with the beautiful camp as a backdrop instead of actually talking to her daughter, Fyona. For nearly five straight hours, Finkelfish shot one picture after another while feverishly posting on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter so all of the people who follow her and may or may not know who she actually is can be jealous of the amazing daughter, family, and camp she is blessed to have.
At approximately 10am, Finkelfish sprinted toward Fyona’s bunk with her husband Harold trailing closely behind her filming her every step and subsequent embrace. After quickly hugging or as some may call it “chest bumping” her nine year-old daughter, Finkelfish snatched her iPhone from her husband’s hand to view the footage to ensure her running stride and, more importantly, her recently keratin-ed hair looked worthy of an “Insta” post. While Fyona rummaged through one of many camp junk-filled bags, Finkelfish was able to grab a few action shots of her overindulged daughter to add to her multiple social media accounts in hopes that her acquaintances would comment how obvious it is that she loves her children more than any other mother in the world.
As her daughter nearly entered a sugar coma from the candy Eiffel Tower her mom brought her, Finkelfish frantically checked her phone on the bunk porch to see how many likes and hearts her posts had gathered. “No one has said anything about my hair!!! Does it look okay? Harold, come here…it’s an emergency!” Finkelfish screamed to her husband who was having a heart to heart discussion with his daughter about being on her own for the first time and how she was adapting to her newfound freedom and her ability to make solid life choices based upon critical reasoning. “It’s my phone! That’s why no one is responding! I need a new phone, Harold!!!!”
While Fyona flew through the air on the camp trapeze, Finkelfish continued to shoot picture after picture to perfectly capture just how amazing her day and her life was going. When her husband implored her to watch her daughter perform the triple flip that she practiced for three weeks, Finkelfish could not be bothered because it looked like someone was typing a comment on her latest Facebook post. Much to her surprise, a woman she may or may not have known from grammar school or a Mommy and Me class commented “Looks amazing!” which immediately validated Finkelfish’s qualifications to being a wonderful parent.
After spending over five disengaged hours with her daughter, Finkelfish looked at her husband on the car ride home and glowingly stated, “What a wonderful afternoon. I hope there’s a letter waiting for us at home. I really want to know what she’s been doing all these weeks.”