Marlboro, NJ (July 12, 2017) – Local mother Julie Berkowitz, 41, is under arrest for savagely beating a United States Postal Service worker yesterday after not receiving a letter for a third straight day from either of her daughters who are spending their summers at Camp Huron Lake. Berkowitz is being held in custody on $100,000 bail and may not be released in time for Visiting Day this weekend.
Despite this being the second and third summers for Dylyn, 10, and Mydysyn, 13, respectively, Berkowitz excitedly races to the mailbox every day upon hearing the mail truck down the street. Unfortunately for the helicopter mother, she had not received any hand-written notes, postcards, or check the box letters from her precious offspring. Although the girls looked happy frolicking with their friends in every picture on the camp website, Berkowitz sought written proof that her children were indeed having the time of their lives.
Berkowitz released a statement through the County Jail Clerk: “I regret my actions and apologize for what I’ve done but doesn’t the mailman understand that I only get to see pictures of my kids every night and a video of them a mere five times a week. I need to know they’re alive by seeing a letter that tells me whether the food is good, bad, or a fill in the blank value. “ At press time, Berkowitz was unaware that her husband, Lenny, would not be posting bail ironically because of limited funds due to the astronomical cost of sending their kids to camp.
The mailman, whose name is being held until his family is notified, suffered multiple cuts and abrasions to the head and torso and is also undergoing psychological counseling after getting roughed up by the 110-lb stay-at-home mom. “When I told her that was all the mail there was today, she didn’t believe me. Then I said I only make one delivery per day and she jumped through the window of my truck and started to pummel me,” the mailman slurred through two broken teeth.
Lenny, 44, seemed unfazed by his wife’s arrest. “I think I may have made a typo on the address labels I gave to the girls. Oh well. I can probably return the U-Haul she rented for all the crap she was planning on bringing for them.”