Livingston, NJ (Aug 1, 2013) – Yesterday, hundreds of mothers angrily stormed the Boards of Education in prominent areas such as Livingston, Marlboro, Scarsdale and several Long Island towns demanding daily pictures of their children’s educational activities once the 2013-2014 school year begins. After seven full weeks of semi-daily and, in some cases, hourly photo updates from their children’s summer camps, Jewish mothers want to be able to see their sons and daughters in action shots at school during the six and a half hours they’re away from home. No longer will children be able to respond to the question “What’d you do at school today?” with “I dunno.”
“I want to see who Jake is sitting next to at lunch, who he’s playing with on the playground, and if he’s using the rubber thing I bought him to put on his pencil to help him write better,” said Livingston mother, Shari Schwartzstein, 43. “I also would love some full action shots of him sitting at his desk or of him reading during quiet time.”
Several board members in the area have attempted on numerous occasions to quell this irrational uprising. In Syosset, NY, a referendum will be voted on in early September to determine whether Speech Therapy and the Music Department will be cut in favor of four full-time photographers/videographers as well as a team of web masters. The Board of Education is attempting hold the vote on either Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur to hopefully tip the results in the Board’s favor.
“I know Joshie needs speech help, but I think our tax dollars can be used in a more effective manner by posting pictures of our kids observing their teachers or standing in the lunch line. Also, I’m not sure if Joshie is changing his undershirt during gym class so maybe some locker room shots would help me figure it out,” explained Brenda Hurwitz, 46, of Marlboro.
In order to keep all existing school programs as well as the new photography staffs, some towns have brought up the idea raising property taxes or applying an additional tax on any Flowers by Zoe, Soffee, Joe’s Jeans or Got Camp products as well as anything bought at a sample sale taking place in a hotel ballroom or from Larry the Liquidator.
Non-camp-sending Jews and gentiles alike are prepared to fight this “absurd” request. Said Christina Johnson, 37, of Jericho, “Haven’t any of these people heard of a fuckin’ yearbook?”