Lake Huron, PA (August 14, 2020) – Jake Horowitz, the only camper at Camp Huron Lake this summer, has suffered through seven weeks of disappointment after disappointment but has finally found redemption in the form of a massive award haul at last night’s annual all-camp award evening activity. The ceremony put a giant smile on the face of the boy who seemed destined to live through an absolutely miserable summer.
Below are the awards won by Horowitz:
The “Champ” Award (also known as the “Big Guy” or “Sport” Award) – given to a camper whose name is forgotten all summer
The Camper with the Hottest Mom/Stepmom Award – no explanation needed
The Make Sure My Kid is Happy Award – given to the camper whose parents give the most generous tip on Visiting Day
The Good Humor Award – given to the camper who can eat the most ice cream sandwiches and/or imitation Chipwiches in one lunch sitting
The Dirtiest Towel Award – given to the owner of the towel that fell off the outside line the second day of camp and has languished in the filth under the bunk for seven weeks
The Oral-B Award – given to the camper whose toothbrush at the end of the summer still looks brand new
The Beach Boy Award – given to the camper whose bed has the most sand in it on a daily basis
The Ralph Nader Conservation Award – given to the camper who takes the shortest showers while using a 3 in 1 bathing product
The Fly Gear Award – given to the camper who has the best sports equipment, clothing, and accessories yet is consistently one of the worst athletes in camp
The “Everyone Gets an Award” Award – given to each camper regardless of merit
The Steve Jobs Techie Award – given to the camper that successfully presses the play button on the DVD player at divisional movie night
The Camper Award – given to one camper who happens to be a camper and does not in any way, shape, or form deserve to win Camper of the Year
“I’m really happy that Jake got all the year-end awards this summer. It was a tough go for him but, in the end, he did okay,” mentioned Camp Director Marty Feldstein. “He happens to be a kid whose father is extremely wealthy and helped keep my camp afloat for another year so the least I can do is give him a few made up awards in the hopes he’ll come back next summer if the pandemic continues.”
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