Lake Huron, PA (July 22, 2022) – With the heat index breaking a new record on a daily basis in the Poconos region, one unfortunate senior boy at Camp Huron Lake has literally sweat his balls off. The shocking discovery was made by the camper late Thursday in the boys side shower house only an hour after failing to negotiate a hook up between Jen Klein and Jon Klein (no relation) at the Senior Division’s co-ed game night activity. The name of the boy is being withheld due to him being a minor but authorities are assuming his first name is Jake but not necessarily traditionally spelled.
Despite frequent complaints for the past few days that he was “sweating his balls off”, his counselors understandably did not take the boy’s comments seriously. “I feel bad about the kid sweating his balls off but there’s really nothing as a counselor I can do. He told me once that he was so hungry, he can eat a horse. Did I think he was going to eat a horse?” explained second-year counselor Jon Hellman. “I thought he was talking about White Castle sliders.”
After an intense battle on the basketball court followed by a five-set tennis match in the sweltering sun, the boy returned to his bunk and proceeded to lay down on his bed as sweat poured from every part of his body. The exact moment he sweat his balls off is not known exactly, but it is believed that minutes after laying down, the boy made a beeline to the windowless sauna of a bathroom to relieve himself of last night’s Kosher-style bacon cheeseburger. The stale, hot air only intensified the boy’s sweating as water poured from his face onto his knees and lower thighs.
“It was weird. I sat down then I heard a plop in the water and a little splash on my left cheek which I thought was strange since I was still prepping. I bet that’s when I sweat my balls off. And I bet I flushed them down the toilet. Good thing they’ll grow back,” commented the boy who incidentally failed his Human Biology Regent Exam the past two years.
“The only saving grace is that on the pre-season ‘What to Pack’ checklist we didn’t mention testicles so the boy’s mother probably won’t find out they’re missing until she’s sixty-five years old,” the always looking on the bright side Director Marty Feldstein noted.