Camp Huron Lake to Open For One Lucky (Wealthy) Camper

Lake Huron, PA (June 26, 2020) – While most of the northeast struggles with the notion that summer camp will have to wait until 2021 due to the Covid-19 pandemic, one very privileged camper will be returning to Camp Huron Lake for what hopes to be an exciting seven weeks of carefree fun in the sun.  Jake Horowitz, 13, of Old Westbury, NY, will have the camp all to himself while isolating from most of society.  Camp Director Marty Feldstein is planning on having a full complement of counselors, specialists, and other adult staff and remains adamant that social distancing and thrice-daily temperature checks and blood work will not put a damper on the recently Zoom-Mitzvahed young man’s summer. 

Horowitz and his family are no strangers to attention-grabbing headlines as step-mother Destinee, 31, was removed from the camp’s Visiting Day in 2018 for prancing on the shores of Huron Lake in a micro bikini and high heels. Once the determination was made to shutter the camp for the season, Horowitz’s Wall Street titan father, Gilbert, 55, immediately contact Feldstein with an offer too good to refuse to take Jake off his hands for the summer.  With no source of income for the summer outside of the prospect of copywriting the new“Live 22 for 2” moniker, the long-time camp director jumped at the prospect of providing a safe environment for Jake while lining his pockets with enough money to retire in the next few years. 

“When I talked to Jake’s dad about opening up the camp for just him, I was very surprised but I know Horowitz has plenty of money to spare,” Feldstein commented.  “He mentioned that his wife was looking to have vaginal rejuvenation surgery in July and didn’t want to have to step-mother Gilbert’s kid one day a week with the help of only two nannies while she recovers so the only option was to send Jake away.  It makes complete sense to me.”

Feldstein has worked with his staff to provide Jake an action-packed experience of a lifetime.  In addition to old favorites, Arts & Crafts and Woodworking, new activities such as Solitaire, Pocket Pool, the Quiet Game, and Meditation will be mixed into the rotation to comply with strict Pennsylvania pandemic protocols.  At night, Jake will love spending time alone at the non-operational canteen, studying math, or nasal swabbing while his father and step-mother frolic semi-nude, fully inebriated in their East Hampton beach house.  

The camp will hold its annual Visiting Day on the fourth Saturday of the season and Feldstein has already assured the Horowitz family that in addition to serving a five-star catered lunch, the waterfront area will be clothing-optional to ensure Mrs. Horowitz will not have to be removed from the premises.