Parents Unsure if First Call Home Was Actually From Their Camper

Plainview, NY (July 14, 2015) – Parents Pamela and Marc Fishbein, both 41, recently received their first call home from their first-time camper, Jonathan, 9, who is apparently enjoying a fantastic summer at Camp Huron Lake in Pennsylvania’s Pocono Mountains. The Fishbeins were ecstatic after the four minute fifty-three second conversation yet were still a bit apprehensive as to whether the boy they talked to was actually their son.

With each parent attempting to speak into the same receiver, the Fishbeins peppered young Jonathan with a barrage of questions in a scene that resembled an interrogation at Guantánamo Bay. General inquiries such as “How is camp?”, “How are your counselors?”, “Are you eating?”, “Are you making number 2’s on a regular basis?”, and “Do you need more bunk junk?” were fired in rapid succession to not only gleam as much information out of Jonathan but because of the strict five minute call time limit. Because of the overzealousness of the parents’ speaking/yelling, it was nearly impossible to discern who was asking the questions and who was answering.

After his parents took a quick pause to catch their collective breaths, Jonathan, now with an alarmingly huskier more mature voice than when he went he left two weeks ago, gave his parents a quick rundown of what’s going on at camp. “I like playing sports, swimming, eating, sleeping, and other stuff. My best friend is named Jake Gold something and he’s from New Jersey, New York, or Florida, I think. I go to the bathroom every day and brush after every meal. Camp is great.” As if he was reading from a script Jonathan then in a monotone delivery added, “I miss you and love you both very much. I can’t wait to see you and Grandpa on Visiting Day next week. They’re making me get off the phone. Bye!”

After hearing the click of the phone hanging up, the elation felt by Pamela and Marc quickly turned to confusion. As they processed what just transpired, the parents tried to make sense of the nearly five minute blur of a conversation. “We were really excited and happy when he said he loved playing sports and stuff but when he told us that he’s brushing after every meal, that was a red flag since he only brushes once a day at most when he’s home,” commented Pamela, “Then he told us he loved us and missed us which excited us tremendously but the comment about seeing Grandpa on visiting day was a bit strange because his Grandpa passed away 22 years ago. Maybe I just didn’t hear it right. Either way, I’m so happy he’s loving camp!!!”

Marc, an equities analyst, was equally happy about the call knowing his hard earned money was being well-spent. “He’s a camper through and through. I’m so happy that he’s enjoying himself. I am a bit concerned that his voice sounded like a 50 something year old man who smokes two packs a day. Probably a bit early for puberty but we did feed him non-organic whole milk as a baby.”

Efforts to contact camp Director Marty Feldstein were unsuccessful as camp secretary Sharon Kleinfeld mentioned that Feldstein was currently on the phone with parents then was going to take a quick cigarette break before placing several hundred more calls to boys’ side parents.