Lake Huron, Pa (July 18, 2015) – This past Saturday, a crazed mother of a child attending Camp Huron Lake shattered her left tibia while sprinting to see her daughter for the first time in three weeks. Jenna Goldenberg of Plainview, NY, suffered a clean break to the bone below the knee after running through a large bench near the girls’ side tennis courts. The bench was split into two pieces due to the speed and force at which it was struck by Goldenberg but unfortunately her lower left leg was also split in two.
After arriving at 5:45 for the 10:00 am Visiting Day start, Goldenberg stretched for an hour or so, did several yoga poses, then studied an aerial map of the camp grounds to navigate the quickest route to her daughter Myckenzie’s Bunk 6. As the bugle blew and the rope was lowered at the camp’s main gate, the mother of two who was carrying six pounds of chocolate along with fourteen Bunk 6 Chanel tank tops and Color War spirit wear knocked over women and children on both sides of her as she made her dash. A clear twenty to thirty yards ahead of the pack, Goldenberg smashed right through a recently dedicated park bench honoring a former camper who was killed by insurgents in Afghanistan.
As shards of wood flew through the air, Goldenberg laid on the ground as her broken tibia protruded through the skin of her leg. Still holding a comfortable lead, she took out a knife to be used to cut her homemade brownies and began to saw through the leg. Once the leg was amputated, to stop the excessive bleeding she fashioned a tourniquet out of a yellow tutu she was going to give to her daughter. Goldenberg hopped the remaining one hundred and twenty yards to the bunk as several other parents ironically tripped over her size five sneaker still on the severed limb.
“Nothing, I mean nothing, was going to stop me from seeing my baby. If I wasn’t going to be the first one in the bunk then I may as well not even come today,” stated Goldenberg, clearly woozy from the blood loss. “Could you even imagine the feeling the other girls in the bunk must have knowing their mothers don’t love them as much as I love Myckenzie.”
After crashing through the bunk door, Goldenberg frantically searched for her daughter expecting her to be sitting atop her Gucci bedspread airbrushed with “Bunk 6 4 EVA”. Unfortunately, Myckenzie was in the bathroom emptying the contents of her stomach and bowels in anticipation of the candy-filled frenzy about to take place over the next six hours.
“No, I don’t regret amputating my leg for the chance to have an extra twenty seconds with my daughter. I’m clearly the best mother in the world,” she explained. “But how the hell am I going to do SoulCycle with only one leg. Oh well, gotta leave early to beat the traffic home. Has anyone seen my leg?”