Camp Huron Lake to Provide Campers with Finest Bed Sand in the World

Huron Lake, PA (May 25, 2014) – In an effort to keep up with increased competition in the world of overnight camps, Camp Huron Lake Director Marty Feldstein has imported the finest sand known to man to place in each camper’s bed for the upcoming summer.  After spending several months this winter in Colombia negotiating with the Sandiago cartel, Feldstein was able to import just under 100 kilos of South America’s choicest powdery white foot candy.

Feldstein and his wife, Shelly, returned to Liberty National Airport in Newark, NJ with a suitcase full of 10 cellophane-wrapped bricks of the Colombian sand along with several pounds of coffee grinds spread throughout to ensure that the delivery would go undetected through the US Customs process.  At almost $120/kilo on the wholesale market, Feldstein wanted to ensure the camp would make a big hit with the kids this summer.   “For years the kids have been complaining about the lakefront sand in their beds.  It’s so grainy and coarse and wreaks havoc on the campers’ lower regions so I figured by scoring some primo smack for their beds, it would show the commitment we’ve been making to make this camp a luxury camping experience.”

After using nearly 65 kilos of the 100% pure Colombian sand on both boys and girls sides, Feldstein and his hired female Camp America staff hit the Arts & Crafts room to “cut” or dilute the sand with talcum powder and vitamin B to sell to other camps in the area.  The staff, clad in only their bras and underwear, was checked after their shifts to make sure none of the ultra-valuable sand was leaving with them.  Marty, known through the Poconos as “The Sandman”, has a reputation as a shrewd and ruthless business man when it comes to his sand. “Motherfuckers want steal my shit in front of me? Fuck that.  These sons of bitches be missin’ free play and shit if they fuck wit me.”

The initial bed sand is included in the cost of the camp tuition but additional grams can be purchased in the canteen at $60/gram.  Some campers become quickly hooked on the sand and find they cannot sleep without it.  It’s all part of Feldstein’s plan.  “First one is always free.”

With a street value of $75/gram, Camp Huron Lake stands to make a killing distributing.  Feldstein explained his methods of dealing.  “Some camps want to buy a half bitch (1.75 grams) while others want an 8-ball (3.5 grams).  I usually try to get them to buy a half zip (1/2 ounce) or a zip (1 ounce) because they’d be getting more for their money.  Who buys a half bitch anymore? That won’t even be enough for the junior boys division at my camp!!”

After lights out on the first night of camp, Inter girl Jessie Kaplan, 11, summed up what most of the hundreds of Huron Lake campers were feeling.  “There’s nothing like coming back to camp and having that feeling of sand in your bed.  It’s really hard to describe but this new shit Marty scored for us so soft and smooth, you can really tell it’s quality shit.  I feel like I’m really at my home away from home again.”