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Goldbergs Already Packed for Summer of 2014

Livingston, NJ (Aug 22) – Only a short few hours after picking up their camp trunks from local merchant Kim’s Kountry Kleaners, the Goldbergs, Jake, 12, and Jenna, 10, are all packed up and ready for their 2014 summer experience.   The trunks were professionally steam-cleaned then dry-cleaned to ensure that any residue from the Camp Huron Lake storage shed and camp laundry soap was permanently expunged.   With the beautifully monogrammed bags back in her possession, Lara Goldberg feverishly and maniacally…


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After Five Summers, Finkelstein Still Can’t Get to Second Base

Lake Huron, Pa (Aug 10) – He’s been going to a co-ed camp for the past five years, but 17 year-old Camp Huron Lake CIT Jake Finkelstein has yet to get to second with any of the female campers.  Finkelstein, a straight A student at Roslyn High School, has the exact characteristics he believes make him second-base material for the discriminating lady campers. Everything was in place this year for Jake to finally achieve his years long goal of getting…


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Coming Home from Sleep Away, Iraq Similar Says Mothers of Campers

Livingston, NJ (Aug 13) – Like mothers who send their children off to war for a year or two, thousands of area residents have breathed a sigh of relief as their children have arrived home safely from sleep away camp.  They had waited with anticipation for three and sometimes even four worry-free weeks since visiting day for their offspring to get home and only now can local mothers stop talking about how difficult the last few weeks have been without…


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Area Woman Can’t Locate Husband’s Penis Entire Summer, Locates Daughter’s Left Pinky Toe in Camp Picture

Great Neck, NY (Aug 10) –  While she can find her daughter’s finger or toe sticking into any picture on the Camp Huron Lake website, local mother Linda Cohen-Freidberg, 41, oddly has been unable find her husband Jeff’s penis for the past seven weeks.   Jeff, a 43 year-old stockbroker, has gone nearly two months without his partner of 15 years touching his average-sized penis. Linda, a stay at home mother, has an uncanny eye for finding her daughter, Sydney, in…


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Week 7 and Sand Still in Damn Bed

“How the hell do I get rid of this?” laments Junior Boy. Huron, PA (Aug 8) – He’s having the greatest summer he’s ever had.  Letters home to his parents have been plentiful scoring his experience a 9 out of 10.  But there’s one thing that’s keeping Camp Huron Lake Junior camper Jake Helfman’s summer from being perfect:  There’s always sand in his bed. Unfortunately, Jake,10, isn’t alone.  Sand in My Bed has been reported as far south as Georgia…