Camp Opens CVS Pharmacy on Premises to Handle Medications

Lake Huron, PA (July 17, 2026) – In an effort to assist the overworked Health Center staff, Camp Huron Lake has turned the canteen into a CVS Pharmacy, fully stocked with every possible drug a seven to sixteen year-old could possibly imagine. Health Center nurses and staff will now be able to focus their time on treating camp-related sicknesses and injuries instead of spending the day sorting through hundreds of bottles of medications.

Long gone are the days of the camp doctor treating a broken bone, a 102 degree fever, or a deep skin laceration with a simple lozenge.  Parents are no longer satisfied with the treatment they received when they were campers decades ago. Now with the addition of the multinational pharmacy chain making its debut at Camp Huron Lake, the guest doctors can really focus on helping desperately in need campers regardless of how unqualified they may be to do so.

“The CVS has been great for everyone here at camp. The kids are getting their meds whenever they need since this branch of the store is open 24 hours a day,” noted director Marty Feldstein, “And just one of the many byproducts of having the store is that the red neon glow from their sign provides a really romantic atmosphere at night when the counselors take advantage of CVS’s abundant supply of contraceptives.”

While the camp administration is thrilled with the newest addition, campers who used to run into the health center to grab their meds now have to wait on hour long lines two or three times a day but can check their blood pressure daily and read the latest copy of People magazine, the last remaining periodical in circulation.

“It’s been a relief knowing my child will be taking the drugs that have been prescribed to him and not be judged by an overcritical camp nurse,” said Jill Barry, mother of twin boys, Larry and Harry. “If my kids want to be on Ritalin, Accutane and Wegovy, who is this nurse to tell me how to parent? My kids should be well-behaved, acne-free, and down at least fifteen pounds by the end of the summer.”

Feldstein has benefitted nicely for the opening of the store by taking an 18% share of the store profits in addition to charging the drug conglomerate rent for the seven weeks they’re open. It has allowed the camp to invest in much needed upgrades to their dated infrastructure and allowed Feldstein to spoil the campers just a little bit.

“For the longest time we couldn’t afford finish line tape for the winners of the Color War Triathlon and Marathon to break through but we’ve been using the CVS receipts and they’ve made such a difference in our camper experience,” Feldstein bragged.