New Visiting Day Complaints Desk Swamped by Upset Parents

Lake Huron, PA (July 22, 2025) – Camp Huron Lake Director Marty Feldstein’s new Visiting Day complaints desk was absolutely bombarded with hundreds of irate parents bitching about one frivolous thing after another.  The brainchild of Feldstein was created as a result of him spending every Visiting Day since he took over as director fielding complaints from the second the rope was cut allowing parents to sprint onto the grounds to the sixth announcement politely threatening parents that if they do not leave, they will be charged with trespassing and a $5,000 fine.

Feldstein hired a recent law school grad and several paralegals to man the desk located steps from the unshaded camp garbage and recycling collection area.  Despite the inconvenient location, the desk drew nearly 98% of the parents who wanted a word with the normally jovial Feldstein.

“Decades ago, Visiting Day was a wonderful time where blissfully unaware parents would be thrilled to see their children for a few hours in the middle of the summer and I could spend my time chatting up the best looking, wealthiest recent divorcees,” commented Feldstein, “but now it’s just complaining, ranting and pouting about anything under the sun so I set up a Complaining, Ranting and Pouting (CRAP) desk. I can pay someone else to deal with it.  I heard Mylanta Pincus’s mom just got divorced so I can focus my energies on her today.”

Once the bugle blew signifying the beginning of Visiting Day, parents sprinted not directly to their children’s bunks but to the new CRAP desk to make sure their voices were clearly heard by Feldstein’s outsourced proxies. The lines were split into four sections consisting of “Not Enough Pictures”, “Too Many Pictures”, “My Child Should Have Made the A Team Because…” and “Other Frivolous Issues”.  Upon reaching the desk, the Huron Lake temp employees took down the camper name, bunk, and complaint which was then signed by the parent and filed away for Feldstein to review at a later time.

“My husband was on the ‘My Child Should Have Made the Team’ line because Jaieyke got cut from the basketball team even though he’s on the Z team for our local travel club,” mentioned Jana Weinsenberg of White Plains whose son was last seen visibly crying on the steps of Bunk 17 since he assumed something horrible must have happened to his parents because they never signed him out. “I was on the ‘Other’ line because I haven’t been getting enough mail from Jaeiyke and don’t know what’s going on with him. Hopefully us spending four hours and fifty-five minutes of the five hours of Visiting Day on this line will be enough for Feldstein to encourage my baby to write more.”

Unfortunately for most waiting on the line, complainers took around a half hour per complaint since it was obvious that their complaints were the most important.  Several parents not on the line spent a beautiful afternoon on the lake, in the pool, and simply talking and laughing with their children providing a fulfilling, meaningful visit that will be a cherished memory to last a lifetime.

“It was the best Visiting Day we ever had. All of the complaints went straight into the shredder so now we have a ton of confetti for when we announce the winner of Color War.  The only drawback was that we were left with 700 uneaten hamburgers and hot dogs at the waterfront BBQ since most parents never made it down there with their kids,” said a pleased Feldstein. “Looks like it’s hamburgers and hot dogs for the camp tonight!”