Lake Huron, PA (August 12, 2025) – For the 72nd year in a row, the final score for Color War at Camp Huron Lake was the closest it’s ever been according to Camp Director Marty Feldstein. The difference of just one quintillionth (18 zeros) of a point separating the two teams broke last year’s record of three quintillionths of a point determining the ultimate winner. It was a Color War to remember as this year’s internet-themed team names were picked based on the Teen division’s favorite websites resulting in a competition between the White TikTok versus the Blue PornHub.
The five day extravaganza pitting one half of the camp against the other typically comes down to the Sing, an enthusiastically spirited event signaling that summer is quickly coming to an end. Each team sings the camp song, a fight song, and an alma mater dedicated to their love of camp. Additionally, each team performs a dance based on the team theme and creates an accompanying 4’ x 5’ painted banner.
In typical Huron Lake fashion, it all came down to the sing and both teams came out strong standing for each song in unison then belting out harmonious melodies to the maniacal fist pumping from a profusely sweating lunatic who has no previous musical training all while standing on a creaky wooden bench with seven layers of different colored paint that was likely manufactured in the early 1960’s. Under the brightest lights, each team performed magnificently so it seemed the winner would be determined by one minor off-key lyric or a brush stroke a millimeter out of place.
Ultimately, the Blue PornHub’s interpretive dance proved to be the one miniscule blemish on a near perfect night for the forces of PornHub. The dance was a beautifully orchestrated cat and mouse game between what was assumed to be a neglected stepmother and her strapping stepson. Rachel Dick, 19, and Harry Weiner-Rose, 18, were putting on a graceful display of body movement to the sounds of heavy bass guitar riffs when Jana Whorowitz, 18, appeared as Harry’s stepsister resulting in a three-way dance much to the delight of the male judges. The dance concluded with the three participants falling to the floor in unison followed by participants sharing a Marlboro Light.
“It was a magnificent display of dance and storytelling that had me sitting erectly at the edge of my bleacher seat. I didn’t want it to end,” commented Super Boy Group Leader Michael Golberg. “But there were two things in the storyline that I picked up on that I had to deduct points for. I understand that the stepmom is lonely and likely neglected by her husband but there just wasn’t enough of an age difference between her and the stepson to make it believable. The second and more egregious error is that there was a stepmom, stepson, and stepsister…were they related by blood? Was it Harry’s stepsister from his father’s previous marriage? Either way, an odd choice.”
Following the announcement of the final results, the camp enjoyed ice cream sandwiches by the lake while Goldberg ran back to an empty bunk to “use the facilities”.
As a camp lifer, your publishings have been hilarious and on point. I look forward to reading them . You are very talented. My name is Artie Freifelder. I was Head counselor at both camps Equinunk and Timber Lake. Keep writing and if you ever want some anecdotes give me a shout.
Thank you so much, Artie. I really appreciate it. I may need some stories for next summer!