Washington, DC (August 7, 2018) – President Donald Trump has taken credit for ending Camp Huron Lake’s Annual Color War just one day ago. The controversial leader who has been known to put his name behind any positive national developments such as North America’s bid for a World Cup and the surge in the US Economy has single handedly put a stop to a five-day Color War between the Blue Surf and the Yellow Sun.
Color War, a staple of Camp Huron Lake and nearly every camp in America, is typically the grand finale of the summer where the camp is divided into two teams which compete in a variety of fun, friendly but fiercely-contested games. During a week-long golf outing with his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who was the only one in his hometown who did not attend summer camp, Mr. Trump overheard Kushner talking on the phone to a young cousin who could not contain his excitement over this summer’s Color War Breakout which featured a magician who almost made it past the first round on America’s Got Talent.
Once Mr. Trump found out where the Color War was taking place, he sprung into President-mode and immediately met with senior staff to pinpoint the exact location of the supposed fighting. After registering for a Camp Minder account so he could view pictures and get information on Huron Lake, Mr. Trump was able to get in touch with Director Marty Feldstein to begin negotiations that would end the war.
“I thought it was a joke when our office manager walkied me that the President was on the phone,” explained Feldstein. “Once we got to talking and he pressured me to end ‘the Color War’, I figured it probably was him. I told him it would be over tomorrow anyway and not to worry. By the time I got to explaining what Color War really is, he’d hung up the phone but not before I could hear him tell his secretary to send out a press release.”
While President Trump has taken credit for making Lady Gaga a star by featuring her in one of his beauty pageants and was responsible for the solid attendance numbers at 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea, ultimately he believes he will be remembered for putting an end to a non-violent, well-spirited Color War between two face-painted, hair-dyed, tutu-wearing teams taking place in a remote area of Wayne County, Pennsylvania.
“I did a fantastic job. The best. You’ve never seen a job done better. Never. I called up Feldstein and he was shaking in his shoes. I said ‘Feldstein, no more war’,” exclaimed Trump. “And you wanna know what the best part? Because there’s a best part. Feldstein said they’re going to end the Color War by having a Sing. Then the morning after everyone’s going to sleep late then they’ll all enjoy a nice bagel brunch.”