Lake Huron, PA (August 8, 2020) – Last night, Jake Horowitz, a Senior boy at Camp Huron Lake and the only camper in attendance this summer due to the Covid pandemic, was hospitalized overnight after vomiting several times and showing signs of severe dehydration following the fifth leg of the Color War Apache Relay. Horowitz is expected to make a full recovery by tomorrow night’s Sing and Banner Presentation.
The Apache relay has been a staple of sleep away camp Color Wars for decades. The race is made up of dozens of different stations or activities which a team must complete before passing a baton or other symbolic token to the next person in the relay. At Camp Huron Lake, the Apache Relay is one of the marquis events the entire camp looks forward to competing in. Unfortunately for Horowitz, he was forced to participate in every leg of the fifty-two event representing the Blue Oysters team.
After a shaky start at the tetherball area where Horowitz got hit in the face by the ball while attempting to wrap it around the pole on his first try, he made up some ground fifty yards away at the second event. Since there was no one to do the Three-Legged Race with him, Camp Director Marty Feldstein provided him with an abandoned prosthetic left leg he found on the side of the county road to use in order to complete the task.
Following a hundred yard jog, the out of breath young man arrived at the lake where he got dressed in a genuine thick wool reproduction George Washington outfit, jumped into a canoe, and sang various tunes from “Hamilton” as he paddled three miles around scenic Huron Lake. Despite being penalized by missing several lines to “You’ll Be Back”, Horowitz made it to the fourth station where he took a brief oxygen break.
Horowitz then proceeded to eat a full box of five-year old twinkies and three glasses of expired whole milk in a little under five minutes to make up some time from the prior dress/sing/paddle event.
“I thought he was doing a pretty good job up until the fifth event which is always a tough one,” commented Feldstein in a nonchalant manner referring to the Ring of Fire, a grueling five lap walk/trot around the camp track which is covered in scalding hot coals and flecks of broken glass. “I was impressed with the way he powered through it. His step-mom would be proud.”
Unfortunately for Horowitz, while running over to the sixth station as the burnt skin on his feet barely hung on, he stopped, bent over, then vomited up a spongy yellow concoction then passed out face down inches from the gymnastics pavilion where he was on course to perform a rhythmic dance number before a panel of Russian judges.
“I feel bad for the kid, I really do. But the rules clearly state that if one team cannot finish the race, it’s considered a forfeit and the other team wins,” Feldstein explained, awarding the White Snakes with 50 points while the paramedics hooked up an IV line to Horowitz and loaded his gurney into the waiting ambulance.
All was not lost for Horowitz as he will be known as the last competitor to ever run this type of race. This will be the final year that any camp participates in the Apache Relay Race as the American Camp Association and the Coalition of Native American Tribes have agreed, in principal, to rename the event “The Relay” since “Apache” and “Race” both may have negative connotations.